Friday, November 20, 2015

Christmas memories

This week, three and a half years after we said hello and goodbye to Ella, a friend sent me a small package.  Inside was a note that said "remembering your precious child with you this holiday season" And there, wrapped in tissue paper, was a small wooden Christmas ornament with Ella's name and birth date burned into it.   I wanted to sit down right were I was and just stare at this piece with her name on it.  This gift was precious to me for so many reasons.  First, there are very few times I will ever get to see Ella's name in print.  She won't have her name on coloring pictures or school work.  I won't be filling out doctors forms or even signing her name on birthday cards.  But when I do see her name written down, it always give me pause.  It reminds me- she was here, even if for just the blink of an eye.

Second, I love that I have friends who are so sweet and kind to think of me.  We didn't just go through the horrible grief and shock of her death.  Three years seems so short yet so long.  It gives me comfort to know that others remember her too and she has not been "forgotten". 

Lastly, I am so thankful that because of this gift and a few others I have bought or made, Ella has a place in our Christmas celebrations.  She has four ornaments that proudly go on our tree every year.  My kids smile and oh and ah, when I pull them out and each asks to put them on the tree "in a special place mom!".  So far decorating our tree each year has been a time where I stop and let a few tears go thinking of the little one who isn't here with us.  But I am proud to honor her and proud to think of her as I look at her ornaments nestled in with the ones for my children here with me now.  I am grateful that she is not forgotten. 

Monday, October 19, 2015

August birthdays.

In October?why not! 
I had a great day with my family and then we moved on to...
Our FIVE year old! 

Monday, September 14, 2015


While we were camping in Michigan we shared some fun news with our family. Can you guess what it is?
We are going to have a baby! Grace and Graham are over the moon excited and Gav is happy as always.  
The Hartmans are going to grow by one more next March.  We are thanking the Lord for this blessing and cannot wait.  :)

Sand Pudding

on our bucket list of things to do this summer was make sand pudding!  It's so so yummy and looks fun in a pail. 
to be honest, I could eat way too much of this stuff.  It's addicting.  

Tuesday, August 18, 2015

Camp Life

We love living at a camp.  We love walking around and exploring

Monday, August 17, 2015


I love this pic.  Look at Gav's hand on his Grandpa's knee.  So sweet. 

Sunday, July 5, 2015


Dear Ella,

My sweet girl, you are celebrating your third birthday in heaven!  While you are there, we are celebrating you here.  We are camping as a family and we will be thinking of you the whole weekend.

I can hardly believe three years have passed.  I have spent so much time thinking of you this past week and reliving your birth.  God knew exactly the plan for your birthday and it was so peaceful. Holding you was one of the best gifts I have ever been given.  Hearing you cry was another.  I am grateful that your grandparents were able to meet you!  That was special. There are not many people in this world that got to meet you and I'm so glad that they were able to see your sweet face up close and personal.

I've been thinking of what you would be like at 3, Ella.  You'd be talking up a storm and I know there would be dress up clothes all over the house.  You'd do everything you could to keep up with Grace and Graham.  I know that because I see Gav doing it and he's not even two! I love imagining your curls in the summer humidity.  There is nothing sweeter than a stick up pony tail, sprouting hair, on a little girl.

Oh my little one, I miss you so.  Most days we are great and happy.  We talk about you with a smile on our face.  But some days are so hard and I just wish you were here, getting crumbs all over and needing your face wiped or hands washed.  I wish you could know how funny Grace is, how silly Graham is and how sweet Gavin is.  I wish I could see your face light up when your Daddy gets home from work and you run to him.  I wish I could hear your jabbering in the back seat.  I know that wasn't the Lord's plan for your life, but it sure was what I was hoping for.

I love you so very much baby girl.  I will never stop loving you like a mama loves her little ones.  I hope that in heaven you get a special birthday celebration and that you have so much fun.  You are my sunshine, always and forever.